A fresh start..

-and the reason why I have not been posting in  the last couple of months.

I went through something very painful. my divorce. After being together for 10 years we finally parted ways. i resorted to writing earlier cause it was always my coping style. and i wanted to do something of use in my difficult times. Unfortunately some things are meant to come to an end. I live in Kerala, India. Not that I’m against my motherland, but i went through the most painful event of my life, and the society there made it more painful. To those who do not know, i come from a very patriarchal culture. therefore despite whatever i went through in my difficult marriage, it was/ is always my fault. I had to go into hiding literally to save my sanity. i don’t want to dwell into too much details. out of self respect and respect for my ex.

I took a break from work. I felt immensely unworthy to be a mental health professional, when i couldn’t pull myself together. I still wrote though. But i couldn’t do that either in the last couple of months. I couldn’t do a lot of things.

But the break helped. I have been working on myself. and I’m proud to say that i’m in a better place today. The following is my status update on fb as of today.

” The last couple of years have been the most tumultuous times of my life, to date. But then i learnt a lot of lessons- about life, about people. I learnt that life is unpredictable. I learnt people are not always how they seem to be, or how they claim to be. I learnt the difference between friends and true friends. I had the privilege of coming in touch with the best of people and the worst of people, the latter was the larger group. I met people who claimed they were here to stay/ here to help, but ended up causing more trouble. I met people, who I least expected to be supportive, to be steadfast mates. Most important of all- I learnt that i’m never supposed to let down my self. never exchange self- respect for anything in the world. Victor Frankl was right. he said- “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” I’m pleased to say that today i’m in a much better place. I have learnt to be more self reliant. I’m learning to respect myself, love my self, be kinder to myself than ever before. I’m a different person, for the better. He also said this one other thing- “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” I chose to change my attitude.to life’s challenges. it didn’t happen in a eureka moment though. it took time.a lot of time. But today i chose to believe that whatever happened, it was not the worst thing that happened to me, But rather a life changing learning experience. Just maybe sometime later, i will start seeing it to be the best thing that happened. So to all those who acted concerned , who are truly concerned. I made it to the other side. And i have all of you to thank. The people who were hard on me, the people who back stabbed me, the people who gossiped during one of my most painful times. U taught me to be self reliant. to be realistic. to be grounded. And i thank the few who stood by me. U retained my belief in humanity. in love. in friendship. in a better tomorrow. And i thank life/ a higher being. For lending me this experience. U taught me to trust in myself, realize my worth, of being grateful for the small things, grow as a person and to keep fighting, and never back down. P.S. I’m not going to explain what happened to anyone. this is the the last time im going to talk about this and its only cause many people have a lot of questions. I know some people have better things to do in their lives, like live. To them, kudos. live and let live. and to those who genuinely care- u can stop worrying about me now.”

Mental health concerns are often a reason for stigma, and for a while i was fighting the very demons, that i’m so used to fighting on a professional level, on a personal front as well. But as long as we are human, all of us are at risk. Together we can make the world a better place.

In short, i’m getting better, getting back on my feet. this journey has helped me understand my self better. and made me a better person as well. I will getting back to work soon as well. I’m a mental health professional, that is who I’m and i’m simply not going to back down from being me.

which is why i’m going to start blogging again.

And like the title said- Start again.