Are YOU the next India’s Daughter?

Many feel it’s shaming for Jyothi Singh (a.k.a Nirbhaya) and her family to talk about what they have been through. That proper consent hasn’t been taken with regard to revealing her name.

I think it’s safe to assume that when a popular channel like BBC comes to interview you, you evidently know it’s not for small talk. And her father clearly states in the video how he doesn’t mind revealing her name. The family is proud of her, not ashamed of her. And why should they be?

Shame is a learnt response. It’s contingent on the standards that one sets for one self and the ones set by the society one lives in. A woman in brought up in India for example may have qualms walking around in a bikini whereas one brought up elsewhere, where it’s permissible may not. Therefore the very fact that when someone invades the realms of spaces that are considered personal; there is this breach of security that questions one’s very existence, there is this different kind of shame that emerges. The kind that indicates that we are vulnerable, that there isn’t any dignity in being, that we aren’t considered worthy of an equal existence and can be abused at the will and fancy of others. That’s the shame we woman (even men) experience when we are abused. The kind where we feel wronged, not the regular kind that many assume it to be- Which is when we feel we did something wrong.

The point that I’m trying to make is that, we aren’t inherently ashamed of being a woman, or of our bodies or what happens to it. Rather as we grow we learn, to experience shame, because we are never good enough for the world we live in. Otherwise, we wouldn’t have had to fight the battles that we fight today. It’s seems so menial that we have to fight for the right to live on an equal bearing alongside men. I thought we are supposed to be highly evolved beings, capable of thought. I thought we were still evolving – for better or for worse? And please don’t compare the perpetrators’ of these crimes to animals. Animals do not perform such heinous crimes that are intentionally planned out. And please don’t come up with the excuse of biological urges. If that were the case, all men out there would have been ‘merrily raping’ instead of protesting and standing by us. Also how would that effectively explain the cases where women are abusing men?

Then there are those articles that have this political agenda, claiming India is way down on the RAPE list. Yeah, like that’s a blessing.  Actually, most cases in India go unreported. LITERALLY MOST. It isn’t just a statistically significant number; rather it’s the stark majority.

The reason?

The one I just talked about. SHAME. There are other reasons, like for eg, many aren’t even aware of the fact that they are entitled to being worthy of basic human dignity. For many women, abuse is NORMAL. Actually, talking about it is abnormal, is shameful. Cause, if today something happens to me and if I talked about it, I would be stripped psychologically, in front of doctors, the police, the court, the media, as if the stripping physically during the abuse wasn’t enough.

STOP THE SHAME

The kind of shame I talked about, can be dispelled easily. With ACCEPTANCE. Accepting the fact that abuse isn’t the fault of the abused but of the abuser. Accepting the fact that the person who was abused is a PERSON not a VICTIM FOREVER. She/he needs time to process the trauma she/he went through and a humane society should make room for the healing process than a shaming process. Serving Justice in time is one step. Empathy rather than Sympathy is another. It’s is impossible to fathom someone else’s experience cause no matter what you have been through, no two people have the exact same conditions that led up to what happened or what will happen to them.  ‘Oh that Poor girl, or that poor family’ doesn’t help. ‘Serves them Right’ doesn’t help either.

What helps?

On a Preventive level- education, healthy parenting, awareness building programs on gender, sex, rights etc in schools, colleges and communities that serves a societal change in attitude eventually.

Once such a crime is perpetuated- a fast tract judicial system, an open door to talk about it without any fear or shame, facilitate the healing of the body and the mind by skilled professionals at a pace that’s comfortable of the client and his/her family.

Abuse of any kind must not be tolerated in any society, especially ones that make tall claims like we treat our women like flowers, diamonds, like goddesses. And yet, it’s been three years since Nirbhaya, and centuries since it all began.

People often have this very optimistic fallacy in thinking, ‘Oh that, happened to someone else, that can never happen to me or someone i care for.’

False. I could have been Nirbhaya, so could you, or your sisters, friends, lovers, wives and mothers.

Actually I still can be the next India’s daughter. Are you next?

It’s time we lift our voices and claim our worth. To live with dignity. To say NO to ANY KIND OF ABUSE. TO LIFE.

#abuse #rape #shame